Less than Crazy by Karla Dougherty

Author:Karla Dougherty
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Da Capo Press

For Jacob, it was grandiosity that did him in. His parents had tried for years to have a child, and when he finally came along, it was, well, a miracle. To them, he was the miracle baby, the miracle toddler, the miracle second grader. When he did a finger-painting, it was more than swirls of color; it was a foreshadowing of great things to come. When he got an “A” in a math test, they were thinking early admission to MIT.

It was natural for Jacob to think he was this genius as well. How could he not? But other people didn’t see him that way. When Jacob walked into class, he’d shout hello to everyone and wave; he was special. He didn’t see the looks the other kids gave each other; he didn’t notice his teacher’s frown. He was Jacob!

But over time, the self-confidence turned into something else. He began to think his classmates were talking about him when he’d hear whispering around him; he began to think that everyone hated him because they were jealous of his talent. He began to get anxious, and he was afraid to go to school. Jacob also became hypervigilant when he was outside his family circle. He had to know what everyone was doing (to make sure he’d be included). Whatever he was doing had to be better than perfect (to make him feel safe). And he had to be the most generous, the most humorous, the nicest guy around—anything less and he wouldn’t feel loved.

By high school, when he invariably got his first B (it happened to be in chemistry) Jacob spiraled down into a depression. His parents started to get worried; they tried to comfort him, but he pushed them away. He started yelling at them, telling them he wished he’d never been born. He became so sure that everyone hated him that he was afraid to leave the house. All he wanted to do was sleep. He felt better only at night, when he was watching television with his parents. Jacob’s parents made an appointment with the school psychologist but canceled when, just like that, Jacob woke up his old “hyper” self. He was wired, unable to slow down; he did his homework as soon as he came home and then stayed up half the night playing video games. But he laughed a lot, he had an appetite, and he seemed happy.

His parents, however, were still concerned. Although he no longer stayed in bed all day, Jacob was irritable and anxious. He had temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. And then, after he’d screamed, say, that he hated chicken and had thrown his plate on the floor, he’d go into his room and cry. Up and down—all in the same day! Jacob wasn’t happy. But he didn’t fit the model for depression either. His anxiety, his hyperactivity, and his temper tantrums grew worse. Was there a family history of bipolar? Was it congenital, existing before he was even

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